Road Trip
by Tavoriel
Summary: Modern America AU. Armin's overly-enthusiastic bio professor is traveling the same way he is, over Christmas break, and she wants to know if he's open to carpooling. Turns out she's travelling with a bunch of weirdos. And bringing her feral cats.
1. Part 1

_This story happened because I invited my deviantart watchers to provide prompts for an Attack on Titan fanfiction. Prompts for this chapter were:_

_Road trip involving Armin and Levi, from who-the-moon-is_  
_Levi/Hanji, from Angel-Die_  
_pets, from 4hikari_

* * *

"Are you sure it's okay if I visit my grandpa over break?" Armin asks Eren.

"What? Of course," Eren says, a little puzzled.

Eren doesn't understand that he and Mikasaare Armin's only family, besides Grandpa. Eren doesn't understand the extent to which absolutely nobody except Eren wants to hear about dinosaur facts or the Yellowstone supervolcano. Eren also hasn't been bullied. He doesn't know what that does to your ability to trust anyone, your appreciation of what power can look like. And Eren has a lot of power over Armin.

"Okay!" Armin says.

When he's back in his dorm packing, he wishes Eren and Mikasa were there. The trip scares him so much. When he's around Eren and Mikasa, he's safe. When he's back at his Grandpa's house, he's safe. But in between here and there… he's alone. And when Armin is alone, the rest of the world could do anything to him and he'd be helpless. _He's making the drive all by HIMSELF, this is scary ok._ He's afraid, but not afraid enough to admit that to Eren and Mikasa or make a big deal about it. Ideally, they'd pick up on his fears and show him support, without him saying anything. But Eren isn't really the type to pick up on like… anything. And Mikasa devotes more of her energy into Eren than she does into Armin, that's just how things are. She's always making sure Eren's keeping his grades up. Armin's grades are better than Mikasa's. She doesn't see him as being in a threatening situation. She trusts him. She trusts him too much, maybe.

Well, that's all the clothes, and that's all the books and homework that's coming (And the little stuffed animal that nobody knows Armin has and nobody must ever know he has). There's still a few days left before the big trip; there's still time to figure out what else to pack. He'll approach this in stages. Like Ms. Zoe the biology professor says to do with studying.

_Oh yeah, Armin still has all of that homework backlog to give to Ms. Zoe._

Better do it now while he still remembers.

She's happy to see him, and they get to talking a little; the trip comes up. Ms. Zoe is one of Armin's favorite professors, and he is fairly certain he's one of her favorite students; he feels safe enough to mention that he'll be travelling alone, even safe enough to say he's a little worried about it. That's when he finds out that she's from the same general area as his grandpa, and she and some friends of hers are making that same trip over break. When she asks him, tentatively, if he would feel comfortable coming with, he finds he has the courage to accept, wonders seconds later what he's just gotten himself into. At least this will be better than going alone, right?

* * *

It's Friday morning, and Armin's waddling towards the parking lot, arms full of luggage, looking for a gray van (it will have those reindeer antlers people put on cars sometimes, Ms. Zoe said) and feeling nervous. Eren and Mikasa would have seen him off, only, Eren still has exams left, and Mikasa's not about to let him fail them. They told him very emphatically how much they hoped his trip would be a success, but that doesn't make them here with him now. What did Ms. Zoe mean by friends? Will they be nice? Not dangerous, at least? Ms. Zoe is the most cheerful person in the world, probably; how bad could her friends be?

Thankfully, the gray van is in a very obvious location, reindeer antlers and all, near the biology building; already Armin can see activity around it. Hey, one of the passengers is a student too; Armin feels a little better.

"Hello, I'm Armin Arlert," Armin says respectfully, to the other student. "Ms. Zoe said I could carpool with your group. Nice to meet you."

"Hello," the student says, looking him over with a critical eye… and actually, Armin can see now that he's not a student; this guy is probably thirty-something. He's just short. And suddenly, Armin realizes that everything from his impeccably neat clothes to the way he looks at everything like a potential but completely manageable threat is intimidating. Armin picked the wrong person to approach first.

"Put your luggage in the back," the intimidating man says, with authority, gesturing with minimal motion, and Armin can see that, maybe this guy goes to the gym a lot or maybe he's a professional alligator wrestler or something, but in any case he could pick up Armin and carry him around like a kitten if he wanted to.

Armin rigidly goes over to put his luggage in the back. Maybe he should have just driven himself. Maybe this was a bad idea.

The trunk of the car is open, and Ms. Zoe is inside, sitting on top of a pile of luggage and socializing with something inside a large cat carrier.

"ARMIN!" she says happily, and her warmth is instantly reassuring. "I'm so glad you could make it! I need to introduce you to everyone! First of all, these are my cats, Sunny and Mr. Beans."

Armin is so grateful to have found Ms. Zoe and thus be under her protection that he is more than happy to be friendly to cats. He sets down his luggage and politely holds out a hand close to the cage. "Hi kitties!"

Paws with claws extended swipe at his hand from behind the bars, anywhere from two to four of them. There's also some feral hissing.

"Oh! I'm sorry, don't touch them!" Ms. Zoe says hurriedly. "They can get a little anxious around people, ha ha. They were strays before their mommy saved them. But they love to be talked to sweetly, _don't you, my lovely boys~?"_

The cats are now fighting with each other, and Ms. Zoe frantically tells them to stop, which, they don't. Finally, she notices Armin's luggage.

"Oh, here, I'll get out of your way," she says. She gets out of the car and helps him put the small suitcases into the trunk, and he doesn't tell her how he left some of the things he wanted to take in his dorm, so his baggage would be less of a bother to the rest of the group.

"Hanji, what are you doing to those cats," the short not-student says in his low, disdainful voice, and Armin is afraid.

"Leeeevi, it's Christmassss," Ms. Zoe sings brightly. "Can you be cheerful for just these next few weeks~?"

Levi doesn't say anything and stalks off, probably to go intimidate some other people.

"That's Levi," Ms. Zoe says happily. "He's one of my roommates. He didn't have any plans for Christmas, so I convinced him to come with me spend the holidays with my family and mee! That's why everyone's here, actually! They didn't have plans, so I made them come with me, ha ha ha!"

They've wandered away from the trunk at this point, and Armin has a good view all of his fellow passengers. There's surly little Levi, a really tall guy who looks amiable yet pretty quiet and generally hard to read, and a sorta tall guy facing off with a map and concentrating intently, like it's a bomb that needs diffusing within the next seven minutes.

"HEY~!" Ms. Zoe shouts to them all. "This is Armin Arlert. He's one of my best students! 3 He'll be coming with us because he needed a ride to his grandpa's house for break. Don't be shy, say hi~!"

Levi looks at Armin for a fraction of a second, then at Hanji like, you're so weird.

"Hello," the tall guy says, with a friendly, goofy smile. "I'm Mike."

Map Guy looks up, notices Armin, assesses that what he is seeing fits the description Ms. Zoe gave, nods in recognition, and goes back to mentally interrogating the map.

"You've already met Levi," Ms. Zoe says. "That over there is Mike. He's the maintenance guy for my apartment. We had a plumbing issue on Thanksgiving, and after he came over to fix it we made him stay for food, and when we learned he lives all by himself and doesn't have family in the area we invite him over now and then, I made him promise he'd come back for Christmas, and then after I realized I'd be traveling I asked him if he still wanted to come and here we are!"

Mike is watching them talk about him and is smiling in recognition.

"That's Erwin," Ms. Zoe says, pointing to Map Guy. "He's an important person from the Math Department. He's like a super genius!" (Erwin is still reading the map, but now he is looking really uncomfortable. Hanji continues.) "We ran into each other a few years ago because he is super good at getting things unstuck from vending machines, and he saw me about to walk away without the snickers I'd paid for and decided to see if I wanted help. Just last year I found out that he always spends Christmas by himself, so I bothered him a whole lot until he agreed to come with me. He offered to drive because he had a big car and also I think he'd get super agitated if he had to ride in someone else's car to another state and not be able to go anywhere by himself for a couple weeks. He really like his space, haha. Aww, look at him burrow into that map!"

Mike is smiling now because these are indeed amusing anecdotes, and Erwin is indeed burrowing into the map, one could say.

Levi is staring at Ms. Zoe like he's waiting for her to be done talking.

And Armin realizes the nature of this expedition. Ms. Zoe is the professor who always lets you turn in homework later if you ask her, who has really thorough review sessions, who clearly loves biology and the entire realm of science with every fiber of her being. She lives to love. She shows the people in her life the same kind of love she shows her students. Armin is a sort of charity case; so is everybody else. He's not sure how to feel about this, but at least he isn't the only misfit in a car full of close friends.

"Are the reindeer antlers from your car?" Armin asks Ms. Zoe before he can stop himself; trying to be clever in public doesn't usually work well for him. He isn't sure, but Erwin might have looked up from the map ever so briefly.

"Yes!" Ms. Zoe says happily. "This is a CHRISTMAS trip and we are going to be FESTIVE! _Leeeeviiii, are you going to be festive on the trip too?"_

"If shoving a candy cane up your nose counts as being festive, I can be very festive," Levi says dangerously.

"I know where we're going," Erwin announces suddenly. "I am ready to leave when everyone else is."

"My phone has a GPS," Armin tells Ms. Zoe, looking from her to Erwin.

"So does Erwin's, he's just more comfortable doing his own thing that he's familiar with," Ms. Zoe says.

"Your friends are weird," Levi tells Mrs. Zoe.

"My parents always used to call me weird too," Erwin says, nodding matter-of-factly but looking at Levi just a _little_ bit like some spider he's deciding whether or not to squash. Levi startles like he's just stepped in dog poop. In that moment they seem to truly notice that the other is there.

Mike isn't smiling now.

"Let's goooo everyone~!" Ms. Zoe says brightly, and everyone piles into the car.

At Ms. Zoe's invitation, Armin gets a window seat.

Levi grouches into the seat next to him.


	2. Part 2

_Prompts worked into this chapter:_

_Ymir, Bertholdt, and Reiner appearance, from Azreal-Blue_

_Vet trip and car wash, from who-the-moon-is _

_story ideas that I turned into crazy Levi stories, from CupaholicMilo and Taichou-Mimi_

_(and the Levi/Han suggested by Angel-Die for chapter one becomes more apparent, heeee)_

* * *

Maybe the math professor doesn't want to use a GPS, but that doesn't mean Armin can't quietly keep track of their progress from his position in the back seat. His grandpa got him this phone just before he left for college. It was to keep Armin safe. So he could call people and/or find his way home in an emergency. And Armin does feel safe, watching the little icon move slowly and steadily across the little highway. Erwin's route doesn't necessarily correspond to the route the GPS gave Armin when he typed in his grandpa's address, but the GPS recalculates the route every time. If Erwin and his maps ever get lost, Armin can give them an accurate course in seconds. For the first hour or so, that's all Armin does, just stare at the little moving icon, and at the window, and the softly falling snow outside it. He could read one of the books he brought in his backpack, but scary Levi is right next to him, slouching in his seat and taking up as much space as his small frame can manage. It's pretty clear who owns the back seat, and it really isn't an environment in which you would feel safe losing yourself in a book.

Besides, it's not like concentrating would be the easiest thing ever. Ms. Zoe knows all of the Christmas stations, and she keeps switching between them whenever the commercial breaks hit. She's sitting there in the front seat singing with peaceful enthusiasm, like there is no place she'd rather be in the world. And probably, there isn't. Erwin is quietly singing with her, like he hasn't caught on to Levi's embargo against Hanji cheer. Her singing voice is a bit superior to Erwin's, and she knows the words to the songs better than he does, but he seems happy enough to sing. Because of the little cloud of negativity that is Levi, the singing makes Armin feel safe too. Especially the way Erwin crashes his way through the songs like nobody is there to judge him whose opinion matters. Maybe Levi owns the back seat, but he doesn't own the car.

"Okay, so even I don't know all of the words to the chestnut song, but how can you not know _Rudolph_?" Hanji asks Erwin teasingly.

"But I do know _Rudolph_," Erwin says. "I'd remember the words very easily if I studied them a little. It's like cross products. They're easy, and you know how to do them, right? But you'd have to look back at a book first?"

Armin knows what cross products are. It's one of the kinds of vector multiplication; a cross product is the kind that gives you another vector, he's pretty sure. He hasn't explicitly been taught this in a class yet, but sometimes he just goes on the internet and looks things up. He isn't sure they're easy.

"Stop being smart, I want to make you look silly~," Hanji laughs.

"Like he needs your help," Levi mutters, and the whole car goes quiet for a while. Then Hanji picks the singing back up, and after a little while Erwin joins in. By the time the song switches, he seems completely unbothered, he's mutilating the music just as carelessly as before, and Armin has this terrible sense of foreboding that Erwin and Levi are going to snap at some point and get in a really big fight.

* * *

Two hours in, and watching the GPS is an insufficient activity for Armin. He has to do another activity, which requires stopping, and stopping requires saying something, which he absolutely does not want to do, especially not with Levi right next to him.

Come on guys.

There are five people in this car.

It's been two hours.

Mike drank a whole can of soda

Levi drank a fourth of a water bottle…? That has to count for something.

Surely someone besides Armin can suggest that they stop for a bathroom break.

Ms. Zoe? This is your trip. Maybe you could ask everyone how they're doing?

Erwin? You're driving. Maybe you could ask?

But the minutes, and the lines on the road, sweep obliviously past. No one's singing anymore, but the music is still on. The merry voices coming over the radio sound mocking in their happiness.

No, Armin is NOT going to be the one to speak up.

He's not.

He's just not.

Ten minutes later, and his wavering resolve still holds. He's starting to get upset and feel helpless.

Then it hits him that this is stupid, none of these people, not even Levi, would want him to be sitting here suffering because he was too scared to talk to them. They'd probably all feel bad and pull over at the next exit if right this second they could suddenly read his mind. Nobody's going to think less of him for having to go to the bathroom…? He isn't doing this for anyone but himself, and why is he even doing it for himself anyway? Why is it so hard to speak up?

Armin's just found the courage to give himself permission to make his important announcement when Levi opens his mouth and says, "Hey Captain, can we stop soon? I gotta take a piss." With a hard-to-read, "Certainly," Erwin takes them all up the next exit ramp and to a gas station.

Well, that certainly worked out well enough.

After everyone's rotated through the restrooms, Armin's general sense of relief is suddenly stomped on by a very tense moment when Levi asks how easy it is to get the reindeer antlers on and off the car.

"Pretty easily," Hanji says, "Why?"

"Because this car could certainly use a car wash," Levi says matter-of-factly, looking at Erwin.

"I'm not going to get one right now," Erwin says.

"They do car washes here," Levi says.

"What a profoundly perceptive thing to say," Erwin says, with a hint of that person-vs.-spider thing creeping into his aspect.

"Ok, whatever," Levi grumbles, and breaks eye contact.

And just like that, the tension is gone, there's just Levi being his usual disgruntled self and Erwin being an amiable but somewhat spacey math teacher.

But the tension isn't gone, Armin knows. It just went somewhere to hide. It'll be back.

"Let's get snacks at the grocery store down the road," Ms. Zoe says brightly. "It'll be cheaper than getting them at the gas station!"

"Okay," Mike says.

Practically a majority vote; into the car they go, and off it drives.

"Can I stay in the car?" Armin asks, when they've settled into a parking spot. There's already some food in the car, and what he really needs now, he thinks, is a little privacy and peace of mind.

"Of course!" Ms. Zoe says.

"I'm staying too," Levi says.

_Oh._

"Anyone else want to stay?" Ms. Zoe asks, and Armin has a fleeting hope that maybe Erwin will decide to stay also, to protect his car from Levi, but nobody speaks up.

"Okay!" Ms. Zoe says. "Anyone have any requests? Armin, I'll buy you anything you want ^_^"

"Oh…! Would you mind maybe getting Pringles?" Armin says quickly, before his anxiety and desire to not be a burden can talk him into saying _"Oh nothing, but thank you."_ He's not exactly rich, and he buys "fun" food as sparingly as anything else. He feels a little jolt of excitement; someone asked him what he wanted.

"Suuuure!" Ms. Zoe says. "For _you,_ sweet Levi?"

"Jerky," Levi says. He's been flipping through his wallet, and he hands her a five like it's a Kleenex she just asked for.

It occurs to Armin that Levi probably has a "grown up" job like Ms. Zoe and doesn't have to worry about whipping out a five for jerky and not even bothering to mention change. But isn't he her roommate? One of her roommates? Do they live in an apartment because they can't afford anything else, or did the lifestyle, with low expense and sense of community, just appeal to them? Certainly Ms. Zoe could afford "better" if she wanted to; plenty of Armin's professors have lived in houses. Levi isn't a professor, though, is he? What does he do? Maybe Levi secretly does have to worry about how much he spends on jerky but just doesn't want to let anyone know that…?

"A little jerky for the little jerky, that I can do! Sit tight and don't let anyone steal the car~!" Ms. Zoe chirps, and she and the others are off, an animated smaller figure dancing along between two serene and quiet larger ones.

To Armin's surprise, Levi lets out his breath and leans back in his seat, not to claim ownership of anything this time, just as an expression of being tired. He looks, earnestly, disappointed and a little sad. Armin remembers that he's here because he doesn't have anywhere to go for Christmas. If he hadn't come, he probably would have been stuck in an empty apartment. Does he necessarily want to be here? Or is it simply better than the alternative?

Well, if Levi can relax, Armin ought to be able to also. He can feel the fear rising up inside him as he prepares the actions, but he, too, relaxes in his seat and tries to be at peace. (Is that okay, Levi?) If Levi notices the effort, he doesn't say anything. It's the closest to bonding they've ever come.

Good.

…Then, there's movement outside the windows.

There's noises.

Violent-ish noises…? Someone's out there doing something to the car…? On both sides, by the roof..? Laughter?

Armin freezes in terror, but Levi gets up with a snarl and crawls over to the nearest window to see just what the HELL is going on. Once he can see, he draws in a rattling breath and lets it out again with controlled anger, _opens the car door,_ and gets out, closing it.  
Armin yelps _Hey!_ before he can stop himself. He should crawl into the driver's seat and make sure the doors are all locked, never MIND about Levi, Levi's a gonner, the bad guys are gonna get BOTH of them if he doesn't protect himself… but then _the people messing with the car run away, and Levi chases them._

_OKAY THOSE GUYS RAN AWAY BUT WHAT IF THERE ARE MORE ENEMIES AROUND?_

Armin dives into the driver's seat and fiddles with the buttons until he hears all of the doors lock. Then he crawls under the dashboard and waits, in an uncomfortable, terrified huddle. By the time he thinks to call Ms. Zoe, he remembers that his phone is in the seat pouch behind the driver's seat. By the time he realizes he's helplessly unable to leave in a hurry in the event that he IS discovered, he's already hidden (and possibly stuck), and he can't change spots without making himself more visible, temporarily. If someone notices him and wants to get him, they're gonna get him.

Ms. Zoe and the others find him like this about fifteen minutes later, and for those terrifying first few minutes he can't tell whether those crunching feet in the snow are saviors or certain doom.

"ARMIN! What are you doing there, what happened? Where's Levi?" Ms. Zoe wants to know, her face completely transfigured by concern. Armin can't tell her, he just stares right through her. Then it hits him that what if she's in danger; just because he feels safer with those three around doesn't mean they're any safer than he is from the attackers!

"There were people by the car, and they were messing with it, and Levi chased them away, and he's still gone, and I don't know where they went or how many more of them there are, it could be dangerous," Armin spews out, trading coordination and clarity for speed, and naturally they only seem to understand about 75% of what he's saying.

Erwin moves forward, and Ms. Zoe steps aside for him. He places a firm, unshaking hand on Armin's trembling one. "It's okay, Armin" he says, making direct eye contact with Armin and holding it. "There's nobody here now. We're back. You're safe. Do you mind if I help you out of the car? _Hanji, get a water._"

And Armin finds himself really trusting Erwin, it really probably is safe. He nods, and Erwin carefully helps him out and leads him a ways away; Hanji has a fresh water bottle, which Erwin takes and gives to Armin.

"Hanji, Mike, keep an eye out for trouble," Erwin says, and he sits down on the snow-covered pavement and invites Armin to do the same.

"What happened, Armin?" Erwin asks, very calmly and reassuringly.

Armin finds he can talk much more effectively about the ordeal. There were people by the car, three or four. They were messing with it. Levi chased them away. He's still gone, and Armin doesn't know where they went or how many more of them there are.

"The reindeer antlers aren't on the car anymore," Erwin says, continuing to radiate safety and control, even though Armin's just told him that Levi took off after hooligans and disappeared. "We were looking for them when we were trying to find the car again. I think the people who were messing with the car stole them as a relatively harmless prank, alright? I think they just wanted to make our vehicle less festive, okay? I don't think they intended to hurt anybody."

Armin nods, and he can't stop taking swigs from the water bottle, he isn't even thirsty, why is this so helpful. He finds this extremely worrying. All of the indicators point to him being extremely vulnerable right now. He doesn't want to be vulnerable. He doesn't want to be weak. He shouldn't need to be sat down like this and given water and talked to in a super calm voice and… but it's _working, really well,_ which means it was _necessary._

"Levi's gone, though," Armin chokes out, and starts crying because everything.

"I don't think the people who bothered the car were very serious criminals, Armin," Erwin says, putting a firm but gentle hand on Armin's shoulder and not seeming to mind the gross display of weakness in the least. "I think Levi is probably going to be okay. I'm going to go look for him. Which way did he go, do you know?"

Armin points, but he isn't positive a vague direction is going to be helpful, and says as much.  
"If all else fails, we did trade contact information before we left," Erwin says. "If Levi has his phone on him, we can still reach him. Okay?"  
Armin nods.

"Hanji, could you call the police?" Erwin tells her. "In case something happens? I don't want to risk calling them too late."

"O-of course!" Ms. Zoe says, and pulls out her phone.

"Do you think you could talk to the police about what happened, Armin?" Erwin asks.  
Armin nods. There isn't a lot he can be brave for, but, pathetic as it is, talking is one thing he can actually do, if he puts in the effort to work up the nerve.

"Okay, _perfect_, can you stay here with Hanji so you can tell the police what you told me?" Erwin says. "You have valuable information for them, they'll really appreciate it."

Armin nods. At this point, if Erwin asked him to go walk to the middle of a balance beam, with that same reassuring voice and expression, he'd just dazedly get up and go look for one.

"Mike," Erwin says, and his voice is harder, less reassuring and more people-vs.-spiders. "Do you want to look for Levi with me? You absolutely don't have to."

"Nah, I'll come," Mike says gravely, like _of course I will_, and Armin is about as jealous as he can possibly get, that Mike can be that brave (Erwin's bravery hasn't even really registered as something to be jealous of, one human to another, yet; he's acting like a force of nature right now).

"I appreciate it," Erwin says. He fumbles around in the car and comes back out with tools for putting on the spare tire, one of which he hands to Mike. Weapons, apparently. He goes back to fumbling around in the car and comes back out with A HANDGUN? which disappears quickly into a coat pocket, and then he and Mike are gone.

"I-is Erwin going off to shoot Levi?" Armin asks Ms. Zoe, because drastically inappropriate humor is about the best thing he can come up with to distract himself from everything.

"If he does, he'll owe me a lot of rent money," Ms. Zoe says, a lot shaken herself. That's really funny. That's really inappropriate, but IS IT EVER FUNNY. What a perfect time to cry. Ms. Zoe hugs Armin and holds him tight, and he cries on her shoulder because it's safe.

* * *

Erwin and Mike get back shortly before the police arrive, and _Levi's with them._ Mike is carrying Levi, and Armin's subconscious spits out unprompted, _oh my gosh, Erwin really did shoot him,_ but wtf brain? And logically, they would have heard something.

But seriously, what's up with Levi.

As the three get closer, some other things become apparent. Levi, a small person, is bundled up in the jacket of Mike, a huge person, with only his head poking out. Mike looks pretty cold, but Levi is shivering steadily (and angry as ANYTHING). His hair is dripping wet. Erwin is carrying a pile of wet clothes. Armin has read enough adventure stories and looked up enough random things on the internet to conclude that Levi has been doing some swimming in freezing water. The thing you do is take off your wet clothes and put on something dry. This happens in real life? What even...

Ms. Zoe runs over to meet them, so relieved to see Levi alive that she seems to forget momentarily that Armin is even there.

"I got your shitty antlers back," Levi says quietly, not angry anymore, triumphant, actually, as Ms. Zoe puts her head against his and holds him close, cuddling up to Mike in the process. Mike doesn't seem to know how to react, and Erwin, somehow back to his usual awkward, spacey self, is taking a blow from secondhand embarrassment.

"I don't want the shitty antlers," Ms. Zoe tells Levi.

"When a pack of asshat teenagers steals your stuff," Levi says, "I'm just _going_ to get it back."

"You're more important than stuff, I don't care about stuff," Ms. Zoe says, and as she hugs him she looks more vulnerable than he does.

"They were dumb kids," Levi says.

"You don't know what weapons they have, you don't know how many of them there could be if they get you alone… Levi, look at me, I'm serious, I'm not proud of you, I'm upset, you shouldn't have done that."

"The antlers are back, Erwin has them, look," Levi says, looking at Erwin.

Erwin fumbles around the mess of clothes in his hands, for once taking orders form Levi, and hands Ms. Zoe a pair of soaked reindeer antlers.

"The kids threw them in the river so they could run away, and I got them back," Levi says, a little proudly.

Ms. Zoe takes them from Erwin, throws them on the pavement, and mashes one with the heel of her boot while staring at him.

This message gets through to Levi. He looks startled. He can't look away.

Then Ms. Zoe turns around, throws the remaining antler on the pavement as well, and stalks back to the car. She opens the door and returns to her seat.

It's a very impressive and emotional show, but then she probably remembers some important details about Levi's predicament, because she gets up, opens the trunk, finds Levi's suitcase, puts it in the backseat, and orders everyone away from the car so they can close the door and he can get changed into dry clothes.

Once Levi's busy with that, Ms. Zoe seems to remember Armin again, collects herself, and hands him a tube of Pringles, with a weak smile, ha ha, look, Pringles.

When Levi comes out of the van fully dressed and hands Mike his jacket back, she doesn't smile at all and gives him a bag of jerky like the whole universe was inside it.

All that's left to do now is wait for the police to show up, since Ms. Zoe did call them.

Soon enough they are approached by two officers Levi will later refer to as a pair of idiots, though it isn't a fair assessment. Jean Kirschstein introduces himself and his partner, and starts up a very serious conversation with Erwin, Mike, and Levi. Armin learns that Erwin and Mike ran past the store and found a freezing, drenched, and very much alive Levi shivering his way towards the store from a nearby river, clutching some sodden antlers. They then improvised some privacy, and he swapped his wet clothes for Mike's conveniently huge coat. That's it, that's the entirety of their exciting chase that Erwin brought a freaking handgun to, which, by the way, he doesn't mention the handgun.

Levi reports chasing after four teenagers, a tall boy with black hair, a stocky boy with blonde hair, a short girl with blonde hair, and a girl with dark hair and probably freckles. They stole the reindeer antlers from the car, and once they realized how determined Levi was to get them back, they threw them in the river. He accepted the bait, they made their escape. He is not going to a hospital, he is FINE, stop being so invasive, it's none of your business, he wasn't even in the river that long.

While Jean is talking, the other cop notices Armin, notably how scared he is. He smiles at Armin and puts his hat on Armin's head.

_"I'm 20 years old,"_ Armin wants to say incredulously…this guy probably thinks he's a teenager..! But… he just can't bring himself to say those words in that tone to that cheery face.

"Marco, stop screwing around," Jean says, without skipping a beat, then continues his questions.

Marco's face lights up mischievously; _uh oh, done got myself in trouble!_ Armin has to smile a little too, he just has to, okay, though he isn't too happy about it.

"And how did you two troopers hold up?" Marco asks Armin and Ms. Zoe, when Jean has all of the information he wants from the others.

"I called you guys…_eeeee_, I contributed," Ms. Zoe laughs lamely. "Armin's the trooper."

"But I don't have anything useful to say, Levi saw what teenagers looked like more than I did," Armin says miserably.

"That's okay, Armin," Marco says, more than happy to use the name Ms. Zoe inadvertently provided him with. "Just tell us what happened."

It's hard for Armin to tell, is Marco making fun of him? Put a stupid hat on his head and pretend that useless information is important? But no, Marco looks pretty earnest. And Armin did tell Erwin that he'd talk to the police. So he goes through the story of how Levi took off and Armin made sure the doors were all locked and stayed hidden in case there were more attackers and tried to call Ms. Zoe for help but couldn't.

"Where did you get all of that common sense from?" Marco wants to know. He sounds impressed, and Armin really wants to believe he's sincere, or at least putting on a show for the purpose of being nice instead of making fun. "That's the right idea, you want to make sure you stay safe before you worry about your stuff. You also want to think about how you can get the attention of passers-by."

Jean's writing stuff down, but he's probably just doing that to be polite.

Jean goes on to tell them that the area's been having problems with teen gangs lately. Marco points out a construction site and shows them how if you look closely you can tell someone snuck in there and knocked a bunch of holes in the drywall.

"Yeah yeah, they knocked holes in the walls," Jean says irritably; he was trying to tell the story, Marco. But yeah, other people have pointed out some of these same suspicious characters, and this was helpful for you guys to report, thanks.

Jean likes to be the center of attention, and the others like to listen to him. Marco sees his opportunity and steps aside, beckoning Armin closer..? Erwin notices and Armin locks eyes with him like, _wut,_ and Erwin nods at him ever so slightly, yeah, it's alright, he can go.

"Is everything okay?" Marco says, in the lowest possible voice. He's gone from smiley to serious as anything.

"Yes," Armin squeaks. He's really afraid, though he doesn't know why. He isn't supposed to let anyone know how pathetic he is, he just can't, please don't keep asking questions like this, NOT GOOD.

"You're not in trouble, you just seem really, really shaken, and I wanted to make absolute sure everything was okay," Marco says. A quick glance at the other group tells Armin that Erwin, back in made-of-danger mode once more, is lazily keeping track of what's going on over here, which makes Armin feel a lot better. "You feel safe with the people you're travelling with?" Marco continues.

"Yes," Armin squeaks. "Ms. Zoe is my biology professor from last semester; I'm carpooling with her to visit my grandpa over break." _I'm not a kid, and they're not kidnapping me, if that's what you're asking._

"Alright," Marco says, a little more satisfied. He seems to believe Armin is telling the truth. "You're not in any immediate trouble I can help you out with?"

"No," Armin squeaks.

"Any trouble at home? Bullying? You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to, but I'll listen for a little bit if you're up for it," Marco says, a lot more conversationally, though still serious and respectful.

"No," Armin says, a little angrily. Then suddenly he thinks of Eren and Mikasa, and how they kind of left him alone to handle his trip; as kids they'd save him from the physical attacks of the bullies but never from the mental aftershocks, and if his nearest and dearest won't, maybe nobody ever will… except now someone is showing interest. "Well," Armin says, guardedly, "I mean, I haven't been bullied in a long time, I'm fine."

"Oh," Marco says.

He waits to see if Armin wants to elaborate, but Armin just looks at him, clearly not super interested in continuing this line of conversation.

"Well," Marco says, "if someone tries to bully you in the future, pretend you're wearing this hat again. Because you have the authority to tell them not to, even if it isn't safe to all the time. Alright?"

"Alright, but I'm not, uh, being bullied right now," Armin says. He's already broken down in front of Erwin and Hanji, but Marco's closer to his age, it's not going to happen this time, nooo. "Why are we talking about this, how could you even tell?"

"I dunno, people are important," Marco says, shrugging. "I pay really close attention to what's going on with people, and sometimes I catch things. It's great that you're not in immediate danger, I just wanted to make sure you were okay for the not-so-immediate stuff, in case nobody else was doing that. It looked like all of this really, really unsettled you… that's not nothing!"

"You're perceptive, you mean to say?" Armin supplies.

"Yes!" Marco says happily. Someone has noticed a special talent of his, it is a happy day for Marco. "Like…he's in the military, right?" (pointing to Erwin)

"I don't know," Armin says. "He's a math teacher."

Marco looks momentarily disappointed, but carries on anyway. "Is he especially perceptive too?" (pointing to Mike)

"I'm sorry, I don't know," Armin says. "I'm carpooling, I just met some of these people. Ms. Zoe is the only one I really know."

"Okay… are they dating?" Marco asks, pointing to Ms. Zoe and Levi.

Armin almost says no, of course not, but he's looking at Ms. Zoe, and at the way she's looking at Levi, and what actually comes out is, "_I'm…not…sure_."

"Well, usually I'm pretty good," Marco laughs, like him not being able to do something he thought he was good at was legitimately hilarious. He takes his hat back. "It was really nice to meet you, Armin, and I hope you have a fantastic and safe holiday ^_^"

"Uh, you too," Armin says.

"Now that we're by the store, we should pick up some stickers for you to hand out to people," Jean tells Marco.

"No Jean, don't do that, half of them would be all over my face before we met anyone who needed any," Marco laughs.

"Has the philanthropist been bothering you?" Jean asks Armin.

"No," Armin says, then smiles slightly; "maybe a little."

"I can neither confirm nor deny said bothering," Marco says, exaggerating uneasiness.

"Let's go," Jean says.

"Does he sing along to Christmas songs in the car?" Armin wants to know. He's being socially unacceptably clever in public again, why does he do this to himself…

The both of them think that this is _hilarious._

"You should come with us and be a detective," Marco says.

"The only person I want coming with us is someone who can shut Marco up when he's singing," Jean says. "Come on you, back in the car."

"Have a nice life! It was super nice to meet you all! Merry Christmas or holidays or just be happy ok?" Marco chirps, and then he starts humming Jingle Bells, and off they go.

"What a pair of idiots," Levi says.

"I don't think that's a fair assessment," Erwin says diplomatically.

Levi is about to say something, but he notices Erwin putting the handgun back into the car, and suddenly they're having a conversation about guns, and suddenly they're pals.

Erwin and Levi are still talking an hour later, on the road. Now they're just talking about anything, which basically looks like Levi sharing stories. Armin has even less of an idea as to what Levi does for a living. And for all he knows, Levi could be making these up. Whatever's the case, it's undeniable that he's had an interesting life or has an interesting imagination, one of those. For instance, supposedly there was a time Levi's car broke down, and his best hitchhiking efforts landed him at a college party in a town and state he wasn't familiar with, and he woke up the next day at noon with a hangover on a roof he wasn't familiar with either. There was a time he got lost and didn't know he was lost until he started seeing road signs for how far away Mexico was, and ended up spending that Christmas in a Texas hospital (which, he didn't know he was in Texas) because he'd walked around at a rest stop and stepped on a snake that turned out to be poisonous and bitey. The moral of this story was to pay attention to road signs, and also to where you're walking, basically just pay attention.

Erwin isn't doing a lot of sharing, Armin notices. Oh, he's friendly as anything, and he'll throw his audience a bone every now and then. They learn that he did an ROTC program through college (Marco was right about the military!). They learn he's not married and doesn't have pets. They learn that, speaking of snakes, he saw a snake eat a mouse at a pet store once, but that's pretty lame compared to Levi's story, haha (his business at said pet store was not elaborated on). He's acting friendly, but he still has his guard up, like, three cocentric 50 meter high walls worth, or something. Levi is being friendly instead of a grouch? Okay. Erwin is not Levi's best friend now, Erwin is going to take the opportunity to learn everything there is to know about Levi that Levi will tell him.

By this point, Armin has pretty much made peace with sort of, wanting to _be_ Erwin, like, this isn't really something he has the capability to fight, it just happened, his only options now are being upset with it or being okay with it. _Okay._

Erwin and Levi are being pretty interesting, but the change in Ms. Zoe has absolutely not escaped Armin's notice. She is the quietest he's ever seen her. Levi may well have risked his life to rescue a Christmas decoration that belonged to her, and she's upset with him for it. Now he's chatting it up with her friend like she isn't even there and he hasn't even done anything. Dimming the brilliantly shining star that is Ms. Zoe seems wrong on a level Armin didn't know could exist. However uncomfortable things were when it was Erwin and Levi who didn't get along… this is worse. So much worse. Armin sneaks a glance over at Mike. Marco knew about Erwin's military involvement and guessed at the nature of Ms. Zoe and Levi's relationship. Marco pegged Mike as perceptive.

Does Mike look relaxed?

No, he does not.

Levi, what are you doing. You've been making everything all weird from the start of the trip.

Then Mike startles everyone with one of the most alarming sentences one could construct out of just three words, especially with no context: "I smell blood."

Erwin has the car on the side of the road before Levi's finished reacting to the statement with expletives. _Is this what you want to be, Armin? Like this?_the universe asks wordlessly. _Yeeeeeeesssssssssss,_ is the answer.

To spare the suspense, it's the cats. Mr. Beans is the bigger cat, and he did Sunny the favor of taking a chunk out of his ear. Ms. Zoe's spirits seem to sink even more. She doesn't croon at the cats, only works towards helping them.

Armin surprises everyone by finding nearest vet and the best route to get there, using his phone. (It's maybe what Erwin would do if Erwin wasn't also so busy helping with the examination of both (furious and scratchy) cats for damage, being supportive to Ms. Zoe, and getting on Levi's case for showing disapproval towards the animals.)

This trip was supposed be over in a day.

The incident at the grocery store slowed them down by more than an hour.

This vet trip is going to slow them down a lot more.

And it's been a pretty intense day already. They're all running low on energy.

Back on the road and on the way to the vet, with Mr. Beans in the cat carrier and Sunny in Ms. Zoe's lap wrapped up in a sweater burrito, Ms. Zoe and Erwin are having an important conversation. Then Ms. Zoe asks everyone if they wouldn't mind spending the night in a hotel and picking up where they left off the next day. Ms. Zoe will pay for Armin's room, but is it okay with everyone else?

Not only is it okay, but Mike says he'll split Armin's room with Ms. Zoe, and then Levi and Erwin pipe up with contributions, and just like that the bill will be split four ways. Armin doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know what to say. Armin is having a difficult time coming up with a response. Wat.

Levi notices his embarrassment and disbelief; Levi smiles, almost kindly.

"Relax," he says. "We know what it's like. Well… our driver skated through school with a fancyass scholarship, and I'm glad that worked out for him, but the rest of us know what it's like."

"My parents would often compare my college situation to theirs in much the same manner, minus the colorful phrasing," Erwin says, like he's talking about the weather; the man knows how to shut Levi up, is the point.

Nobody wants to wait in the car when they get to the vet; Armin doesn't want to be alone in there again (ever again), and Levi probably doesn't want to act cold while Ms. Zoe is still upset with him.

The visit is, for the most part, painfully boring and anxious. The cracks in the group's social harmony don't get any bigger but don't go away. Ms. Zoe and Levi are probably not going to resolve anything with the others watching, and Ms. Zoe spends most of the time talking to the vet, anyway. None of the others have anything to resolve. To top all that, hospital waiting rooms, even animal hospital waiting rooms, are basically the least relaxing places.

(Then someone comes in with a turtle, and Armin gets to look at it, and Armin even gets to hold it, and the background problems get a lot less problem-y. But the problems all come back once the turtle is ready to be seen by the vet. Goodbye turtle, have a nice life.)

When everyone gets to the hotel, after more hours of driving and silence and awkward, they're exhausted, and no scrap of the cheer present at the start of the trip can be found anywhere, at all.

Hanji and Levi agree to share a room to save money, there'll be two beds, and they're roommates anyway… and they don't say as much, but they clearly have some things to talk about. Erwin and Mike are cool with sharing a room too, even after Mike admits to snoring. Armin gets a room all to himself. He is the guest, and his comfort and privacy come before saving money, right. He thanks them all profusely, and they all have warmth left for their don't-mention-its. Everyone more or less likes Armin, at least.

Well. Armin is finally alone in his own space.

He gets ready for bed, robotically, then sits on the bed unsure what to do with himself. Should he read? Watch TV? He feels like he shouldn't squander this blessed moment of safety, but at the same time he doesn't know he has the energy to do anything with it.

He thinks to check his phone, and to his surprise, there's a text message, from Mikasa.

Oh wow… and here he was worrying that she and Eren didn't care about him…! A bit happier, and a little sheepish for doubting them, Armin opens it. The message reads:

_I think Eren passed all of his classes : )_

Armin turns on the TV, turns up the volume, and cries into his pillow as loudly and shamelessly as he feels like.


End file.
